Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mom I am gay, R.I.P.

Mom I am gay and I have wanted to tell you for years …, those simple words, I wish I had been able to say to my mother before she died. I have never had the courage or found the right time like Jeremy or Jordan just did. I congratulate them for being able to say those words. If you had not read their stories stop by and wish them well. It is such a hard thing to do but hope fully so liberating to you both. On this mothers day I want to wish the best for your mothers also who appear to so accepting of you both.

Jeremy and Jordon are relatively new bloggers also, but we have a new AJ blogging also, he just started yesterday. His blog is coming out on the net and this AJ is a twin, that seems to be a bit of a new trend around here, but he is looking for a few friends to chat with and some readers. So please give him a look also, he is easy to chat with and he seems like a nice guy

My mother though, was not of similar mind of Jeremy or Jordan’s mothers, when it came to gay people as I know she had other beliefs. But today I thought I would tell her, I hope she is reading this post in heaven. Mom taught me a lot in life, she was Italian so she taught me to cook, she also taught me the value of money and how to save it, she also taught me that it is important to give back to others in life and she taught me her faith. She wasn’t perfect but she was my mother who in her own way cared about me and tried to be a good parent. They are not perfect parents; it just takes so many years to understand that about them.

Tomorrow I will go her grave and put some flowers there so if your mom is alive give her a hug tomorrow. My mom died from small cell cancer mostly associated with cigarette smoking I am led to believe in 2001 yet it seems like she was just here.

This a bit of the eulogy i helped write for her, my mother is my inspiration for any caring or kindness I possess i miss her dearly:

My mother loved her gardens. Whether it was her garden of family and friends or her gardens of flowers and plants, my mom nourished each with such love and care. Her garden of family and friends were important to her. My siblings and I reflect her in so many ways. We all share her love of learning, adventure, caring for others, cooking and gardening. Friends, our mother taught us, were to be respected and cherished for friends are as precious as rain is to a garden.

So i hope tomorrow is a good Mother's day for all and don't forget to give your mother a hug or a call, even if she has disappointed you lately, see beyond that if you can. Now my friends maybe you may understand bit better why i see you all as precious to me.

take care and be safe



  1. That was a touching post. Thanks.

  2. WOW bob you did not tell me your mum was Italian to

    and also loved cooking

    and taught you the value of money (my mom got that from my silly Jewish great grandparents)

    but all the same



  3. Beautiful post, Bob. I imagine that there will always be a tinge of regret for not telling parents before they pass away. I hope you can take comfort in the fact that the decisions you made in the past led to the person you are now, which in my estimation is a decent, kind, and generous man.

  4. Lovely sentiments Bob and my please acceot my sympathies at the loss you clearly still feel so strongly and can no longer directly share.

    My Mum was very special to me too. A lot of gay boys will tell us the same thing. My Mum became my best friend in adult life and we shared what turned out to be the last few years of her life - the last one both cruising around the country on a boat.

    I missed her hugely when she died, quite suddenly and (thankfully) quickly. Thanks for the tip of our newest (?) blogger!

  5. hey look, there you go, you came out to your mom, well done! i love the eulogy and the bit after it, was it suppose to rhyme like that? coz it did! :)

  6. Great post... Thanks for sharing that with us...

    I gave my mom a phone call today and she actually seemed to know who I was. :-)
    I wish I could have chatted to her about my being gay when she was mentally 'with us'
    Now she doesn't even know what the word means...

    Hope you had a good day.

  7. Awwww :)

    Yeah, this news wasn't exactly the mother's day present I had in mind >.<


  8. I can´t find no words to you, since my Grandma and my Stepbrother died both in one month, about a yr. ago. :-( *beingproudofyou*

  9. A really moving post Bob. All I can do is echo the sentiments expressed in all the comments, but RC's comment in particular made me reflect.

    I never came out to either of my parents, both now passed away. At times I regret it, but I'm never sure. I'm somewhat older than you, and my parents came from a generation where being gay was not "acceptable". I know they loved me, and would have accepted me for what I am, at times I still wonder how THEY would have coped. Perhaps I'll never know that. Maybe they knew, or suspected, but never asked me about it?

    Bob, thanks for this post, and thanks also to everyone who's commented - its made me rethink who I am, and where I am at.

    I'm not pinching your sign off, this is a one off!, but on this special day in the US (I know I'm late), Bob, You take care and be safe.

    Luv, Baz

  10. My mum is fast disappearing into the obscurity that is Alzheimer's, so I have left it too late, too. But I am convinced that deep down, mom always knows. Sometimes, they just don't want to see it, or understand what it is that they do see.
    A moving post.
    G =]

  11. that was a very nice post.

    i too have never told my mom, but she knows that i'm gay, just does not want to hear it.

  12. That is very poignant, bob. I'm sure she heard when you told her yesterday, and I'm sure she knows that you love her.

  13. Bob that post made me think... a lot Thanks

  14. I really can't think of many words to say that would not sound trite, but that was incredibly moving, and honest, and sad. I hope you are feeling better, and letting go of some of the grief, and I'm sure your Mom always cared for you, no matter what words you left unsaid.


  15. lovely thoughts of your Mum, Bob

    sorry this is a *teeny* bit late